Foreign skies; that blinded me to empty charms
I crossed the ocean, and fell into your arms.
So sure, so wrong;
you sang me a simple tune; I took it for a song.
Say goodbye, don't tell me why you have to go
loving you was as good as gold, as good as gold...
I'd love to love you, really love you.
But, you see, there's something you should know:
I really didn't think you'd go.

Because today, I could have swore I heard you say
I love you, I want you, I need to be with you today.
I saw something in your face:
stay here beside me; I need your love to hide me;
You lied... and now you've gone away.
And left me crying like a baby;
Like a baby...

25 more days to go. This makes a nice addition to the blog.

Something of note: At the The Wiz, headphones are 40% off. Now let's do the math: My Sony 700DJ's are $150 regular price there; 40% of that is $60, so that's $90 for the headphones. After NY tax, that's $97.43 for the same headphones I bought two weeks ago for $100 flat. The price of not waiting: $2.57; and dropping. Listening to Ronny Jordan's After Hours using the headphones now: Priceless.
There are certain things worth crying about. This is not one of them.

Another thing of note: there's been a lot of feedback about my recent experiences; some from those who have read about them, and others who just have an instinct about these things. I must admit, I never expected so much replies on the matter; I was overwhelmed. So thanks to all that have responded.
I must add that by nature, I am almost always giving. I figure if you give to others, God gives back to you; when you least expect it. So I gave a lot back then (time, money, input; more money than time, more input than money), but now, I felt that it was worth it. I can never stay vexed or mad for a long period of time. It's just by nature; someone would do me wrong; and on the way home I would steam about what happened, and plan retaliation. But when I hit the sack, I let it go. next morning, it's as if nothing happened. That's the way it's always been for me.
So what am I saying? Basically that it's behind me now. That's all.
Ah, I must tell you what happened to me the other day: I ran into Jerry, a Trini who often drops me home from shopping at Pathmark. And again, I needed to drop me off home from picking up some lumber from the area. So we start talking about the fact I have another year of school left. And he tells me that once it's over, that's when life begins; and i'll be so glad I went. Yada yada yada. Then he asks if I found anyone of interest in my life; to which I reply no. Next thing I know, he too is giving me advice! "Just live life;" "never spend too much;" "it's all part of the plan;" that sort of thing. And I couldn't help but swear this guy's been reading my blog. Have I become that predictable...

Never argue with an idiot.
They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience...

Salutes and blessings from the spring weather of Brooklyn. Last week, I seemed to be all full of rambles, and I'm glad that I released some thoughts from my head. This week, I give you more:

The changes to the blog are coming along very nicely. Because I never took a course in HTML, I sort of had to use the good 'ole trial & error method to achieve what I want. More changes are on the way; but I still pend on whether I should switch databases. There's nothing wrong with BLOGGER (okay, I must retract that statement); but I have read of a better way to blog where most importantly, there are no more blogspot ads!! Problem is, it requires me to work with UNIX for several hours, I gotta start from scratch, and I must have a static IP address. And that means I have to go find out how to access this web page my cable internet service promised me. That shouldn't be too hard; just requires work. Once the majors have been worked out, I might never have to run to BLOGGER again!
But then again, I do have other things to do. So, I'll just stick with Blogger.

After the March madness of midterms, I came out of Business Organization and Management with a B, Advanced Accounting II with a B, Statistics with an A, and Advanced Accounting I, well, with a grade. A grade I'm not too proud of, but one that assures me I'm still in the ballpark. All that's left is Intermediate Macroeconomics, whose exam was on Tuesday. More of the same crap; still walking in with my eyes closed...
It was definitely more challenging than the first. And just when I thought I could finally breathe, four more midterms are on the way! All starting in April (next week, mind you), I'm gonna have my hands full. And on top of that, I have a paper to start doing. The road to graduation (though long & hard) continues...

WrestleMania is approaching quickly! And after all this planning, I may have to watch it at home. It was my intention of my kliq to watch the Pay Per View from WWE World, which is not only near Times Square (terrorist target), but is now being closed permanently. The war wouldn't stop us; but the McMahons did. How about that! Well, back to the drawing board for that one...

The new portable music system I have is smokin'! It starts off with the iPod (BTW, to all iPod users, a new update is available. Click on [I'm an iPod Addict] to get the free download) which is down to 1.8GB of space. And, with the upcoming St. Lucia Jazz Festival in May (which unfortunately conflicts with my finals), I am preparing with some newly acquired Larry Carlton & Ronnie Jordan CD's. Interesting, some lady who happened to be checking out my iPod yesterday felt it crazy that I listen to jazz...
It continues with the Krusell Classic Zipper case; which allows me to add some bubble tape on the backing for extra protection, and holds the remote plug connection in place. The case, and any equivalents, get a 9.5 out of 10 for the one reason that the case attracts lint to the scroll wheel. The system tips off with the new Sony DJ headphones I recently acquired, and they're worth the cash I forked out. Let's see, what will I do on the 4th month-versary of the iPod? Probably get a HiFi Link to connect to my parents' home stereo. Or better yet, the new JBL Creature Speakers for my room, now that my mother has taken my Sony speakers...

That appears to be a rap for now. If anything, I'll post it later.

A little addendum I'd like to add for this week's post:
This blog will undergo some changes, in order to celebrate it's first anniversary. It will be the fourth change in memory, and I won't republish the old posts so you can see the differences. Though minute, these changes will be noticeable; and like the Atlantic Avenue station in Brooklyn, they will occur in series starting as early as tonight.

Looking at the clock, I just remembered that Saddam's time is up, and war has just begun. It is suffice to say that despite all pleas, (from right here at home, to far away in France) Bush, like his senior back in 1990, was determined to go to war with Iraq. And no protest or demonstration is going to change that. Granted, there are many facets that one has to consider. Like 9/11, or the notion of Hussein having chemical weapons, or the issue with US controlling Middle Eastern oil, or the hope of catching two birds (the other being bin Laden) with the same stone. But no matter how you look at it, war was inevitable. It's funny, my mother taped Bush's 48-hour warning to Saddam so I could watch it, and watch it I did. But do you know who I saw? Not Dubbya, nor his father, but Theodore Roosevelt. And his Roosevelt Corollary. That's what I saw. The similarities are striking...

Here's something I've noticed. On the bus, I was reading the paper; and a gentleman approached me with comments about the cover. "Well, we voted him into office, right?", he joked. I know I didn't, I replied. Then I realized something: I didn't even vote! Here it was, since I can remember, people (black and white alike) were encouraging us youth to vote. And in the Presidential election, one of the most important elections, I didn't even vote. It harkened back to my Accounting class a year ago, where my professor called us idiots for not voting (okay, let me use his terminology: stupid, fuckin' idiots). And if I'm not the only one, well consider the following:
The election is the oldest tradition that America still exercises. They even use the traditional means to collect the votes, despite all the technology of today. Yet every year, I'm supposed to get sucked up into this Democratic vs. Republican vs. Independent party machine, and stick by some politician; whose main goal is to tell (not give, just tell) the people what they want to hear for the next few months, and avoid scandals long enough to get elected. And what do they do when they're elected, exactly what they promised not to do when they were running: raise taxes, and cause all sorts of problems for the community. Either that, or carry someone else's battles, and take a nation into war. Remember the "Bloomberg. Businessman, not a Politician" slogans? Yeah, I didn't think so, either.
Moreover, black people (my people) fought long and hard to earn this treasured right to vote. But, is this the great privilege they fought for? The right to feed into someone else's lies?? The right to be disappointed when the person they vote for wants you to pay more to get to work, but won't improve the conditions of your commute to work? Is that what my ancestors really wanted? All right, maybe that wasn't what they wanted. Maybe they wanted to see a black President. But when I think long and hard, what will this Black President do once he goes in? Listen to a bunch of Congressmen, and bomb some country whose name cannot even be pronounced? Am I really a stupid fuckin' idiot for not adding my six cents to this rotating machine of nonsense? I think not.
Well, all I can say is that we as a people need to fight again; not for the right to vote, but to change the way we think and vote. Not to elect just anybody into office; but for the right to know what goes on in that office, and to see results. No change occurs overnight, but it doesn't take four years to see it either. And most importantly, we need to fight for the right to overthrow. Because what kind of democratic society am I living in if my protests against war go in vain; what, because I don't know what I'm talking about? That is not what you'll be saying when you want my vote in the next couple of years, right!?! Oh yeah, we're in a republic society...

This is why I seriously stay away from politics. If you're on there for too long, it gets real messy.

Another thing of note is that we (New York City) are back on Orange Alert. National Guard and local police are working together to keep streets and subways and all possible terrorist spots safe. Well, I don't know about you guys, but the mere presence of the NG doesn't make me feel for a need not to panic; they are mere indicators that something is gonna happen. Feel safe? Some of my kliq don't feel safe. In fact, some are worried. After an IM chat with Maylene, I offered her escort to work the next morning to let her know that nothing's gonna happen. She felt better hearing my confidence, but the worry is still there. Some think another 9/11 will occur; while the general population is racing to Costco for wartime supply of batteries.
And me, I only think of when Bush the Senior went to war a decade and change ago. It was just another year at grade school, and like then, I really wasn't fazed by all this. The only difference between then and now is that I now stand a chance of being *gulp* drafted. Other than that, I see no need to fear. I would like to; but then again, I really don't...
What I'm saying to wrap this one up is that there are more important things to fear, God's wrath is an example that comes to mind, than some terrorist threat from someone halfway across the world. So I pray that you all will have the peace that surpasses all understanding, that we all look pass what the world wants us to believe, and keep our eyes focused on the real issues: like unity, respect, and freedom. I pray that God blesses you, and that we will all live past this tribulation.

Okay, one last thing, and then my lil' eConstruction workers will start their shifts. You would think that with the city on Orange Alert (what happened to yellow alert?), people wouldn't act as shady towards each other. No no no, not in NYC. I see more of the same; people stepping on your feet, and thinking it's cool because as long as your shoes didn't go off, nothing's wrong. And all they do is feed off the fear the media gives us, and mob stores for the last pack of batteries, flashlights, and portable TV's. One lady felt my big toe as she stepped on it while on her way to Target, and said nothing. I joked "Hey, what happened to the Y2K-bug supplies you bought three years ago? Or the post 9/11 supplies afterwards?" And while the people near the area got the joke, she had the gall to turn around, look juxtaposed, and try to belittle me! I'm not the terrorist, just another obstacle she had to overcome to get the last pair of batteries! How dare he say that? Is that what people have become nowadays!?!
Now, here's the kicker: you would think that the religiously minded would provide the example as to what to feel and how to act in such situations. What are they doing? Sneering at me, because I pass their church and say hello. In turn, they go "who does that guy think he is..." Now I know I'm am not supposed to criticize. And I will not name names or places, but don't you think that as believers of any religion, that one should encourage everyone, believers and nonbelievers alike, especially at a time like this? And to think, they act like this to their own people...
My fellow New Yorkers: can we exercise just a little common sense here? Do you think now's the time to be giving a cold shoulder, when you need all the help you can get?? I would think that now, the more people you know, the better. Yet, you still think of only yourselves, and those you feel are most important to you, forgetting there is still a society you must live in.
Take it from a West Indian/American: Look out for your fellow man. If you have, make sure someone else does, no matter who it is. And most important: if you're gonna step on someone else's foot, don't forget to say excuse me, dammit!!!

Nowadays, I get this strange feeling. It's like I'm back in high school again, around the time I wrote The Gentleman. Maybe because of my newly developed circumstances, I am feeling this way; and it's making me sick. Personally, there are times I walk into heavy shit by accident; other times I waltz my way in there. But now, I find myself falling for this girl, who dates a guy who treats her like crap. And it ain't the fact that this guy, my friend by the way, is doing this to her that makes me pissed off, it's the fact that once again, I'm caught up in the mix that's pissing me off. I'm tired of being there for everybody when all they do in the end is tell me "the girl that finds me is gonna love me to death." When the fuck is that gonna happen, when everybody I know is happy? When the war is over, and there's peace again? When I go on a super-crazy diet like Gabriel, and come back two years later looking like Boris Kodjoe??
I mean seriously, I met my friend at Virgin on Wednesday, and treated her to Starbucks (being the only one with cash) while she sat there and talked about how her boyfriend has no emotion. Then, we walk all over the place until we reach the location where her job interview is being given. Wishing her luck, I stay around to see the results. And in typical fashion, though she knows the interview went well, she doesn't know whether she got the job locked or not. So to cheer her up, I buy some roses (what does purple mean again??). Oh God, that may have proved to be to my detriment, 'cause now I learn her boyfriend (my friend, by the way) doesn't buy her flowers...
Fast forwarding to Thursday, I meet with her again; she wants to do something after 7PM. So, I agreed to rendezvous with her in Union Square. We decided to see Chicago (see the prior post), and she is hungry. So with 2 hours until the movie starts, we raced to the Shark Bar (my part time sweet spot, and favourite restaurant) on Amsterdam and West 74th. I spent $30 to let her tell me that her boyfriend never took her to a restaurant before. Big mistake on my part. In any case, we saw and loved the movie, and we held hands. It was so romantic; but something was missing: she wasn't mine! I felt icky, but I still went on with it, because I loved being with her. We even caught the last R-train, so she can go home. And she felt so at ease...
On to Friday, the time before War With The Mirror was posted. I met with her, yet again; this time at Hunter. We sat at the computers, talking and talking, and about 2 hours later, she decides to see a small play with her friend; and I agree to wait with her until she arrives. A $13 trip to Starbucks, a 6-train ride to Barnes & Noble, a discovery through astrology, and an hour later, I came to the inevitable conclusion that this was never gonna happen. Not only am I asking myself to be with a girl on the rebound (if that is what happens), but I'm asking myself to be with a woman infatuated with someone else. Not again. Not this time. I am nobody's substitute lover. Or nobody's part-time lover. I felt hurt and vexed at the same time. And I refused to let her see that; refused to let her see me cry; refused to let her understand what I'm going through. Not that it would matter to her; she's still sobbing over some guy who treats her like crap. Her friend shows up, and they raced to the play (which sucked, according to them). Meanwhile, I walk to the Brooklyn Bridge/City Hall station in 23 degree whether, burnt out, mentally broken, and totally pissed off. How could I? How could I fall in the same pothole I was in years ago? Haven't I learned anything? Am I doomed to this state...

Then she called me Saturday. She needs to hear my voice, she says. We talk for a while. I listen to her eat; she listens to me fuss with my brother. It was fun. I completely forgot about how I felt Friday; I was just being there for a friend. And I was me again, whatever I was at that point...
I wish I didn't have to go on an on, but I will say it's a road I've traveled before. And shit is, I can't stop it once it starts. And all I'm thinking is, "She's not my girlfriend. She's not my girlfriend. Why am I giving a shit? She's not my girlfriend..." But I do care. And it's driving me up the wall. I wish I couldn't give a rat's ass. I wish...
Man, I don't know what to wish for anymore. I just want to finish college and move on to the next step. A car along that route would be nice as well...

For some reason, I feel odd just telling you, the reader, of my experiences. Before, I relied on the fact I never told anyone anything about me as an advantage of sorts; I had reverence or something. Now, I open up to a girl, I open up to you guys; I'm sort of losing that reverence. I mean, you don't know everything (what happened in high school; the names of these people I speak of sometimes), but you know enough to draw conclusions about me. I guess after all this time, I understand why I never spoke of my life to anyone, and appreciate it. However, I must say it feels good to let people know that I'm human too. And it is on this note that I end my post. Thanks guys; until next time...

In the 35 more days I have until I celebrate my first anniversary of blogging, I must say that venting out does prove to work. I must also fully admit to you (if it isn't quite obvious already) that I am well over the Shakeya issue. It of course happened Monday night, when she didn't show for the Crate & Barrel dinner party, but I had time to sit with Davion to discuss the matter. The conclusion we've arrived to is that if it were meant to happen, she would've been there, and that my destiny would've been complete. Since she failed to show, it was never meant to be; therefore, I didn't have to do anything. I felt kind of relieved to a point; with what all my friends are going through, I don't need to bring anymore drama to my life than what I and my friends already own.
Here's a play by play of what went down that Monday:

9AM - I head to Statistics class in my denim jacket. It's breezy out, but I manage. I get 95 on the exam. A lot of jealous faces everywhere.
11AM - It's cold. Brick cold. I need to change my jacket, or I'm gonna freeze to death! Besides which, I'm in street clothes, and I was going to a dinner tonight! I go home, and change my wardrobe.
4PM - After running favors for my pop, I went to Advanced Accounting II class. My midterm grade was a 70, curved to a B. I'm not too pissed off, and not too cool with the grade either. But it was a trying exam. I'm still revved up about tonight.
6PM - I'm in the computer labs, killing time. It's recommended that I feel and look natural heading into this thing. Don't start a scene, there won't be a scene. Sound advice, I thought. I cooled down.
7:30 - I head for the restaurant. My only problem: I didn't know where exactly it was, nor did I know the exact name of the restaurant! Smart move, dumbass! Well, I knew the area, and I had 30 minutes to find it; I started looking around, around, and around, until...
8PM - I make one last swing, and find the joint! Perfect timing! I found the head manager, who warmly welcomed me inside. There, I found the table closest to the windows, along with my old boss from stock, and his friend. We sit, and discuss current events, with my head in a totally different place. Davion (winner of the dice game) scouts around; no sign of Shakeya. We start eating some salad.
9PM - Some of the seasonal staff arrive; one of whom approaches me to notify me that a CD I made for her plays half the songs correctly. When asked about a replacement, she says it's okay. Well, whatever. Not that I wasn't a tad bit embarrased about that, I just didn't care. Still no sign of Shakeya.
9:30 - The main course arrives. It was some of the best chicken parmigana I've ever tasted, next to my mother's of course. No word of Shakeya's arrival as of yet.
10PM - The dessert comes, and some of the guys are leaving. I couldn't enjoy the dessert much, nor could I vocally reach a "keep in touch" to any of them. The fact that I had a window seat with 3 other people in a table for 8 had nothing to do with it, but Shakeya had failed to come. Then Davion, coming from the restroom, sees through my disguised look of depression and offers these words:
At least you know she ain't it, man. If she was, she'd be here, and you would've completed your quest. It just ain't meant to be...
At first, I found his comments ludicrous. This only means that I'll never be able to tell her of my feelings for her, and that I was a fool for not acting on it from jump street. But something happened: the more vexed I tried to feel, the more relieved I actually became. Suppose, what if I told her, and she said no? Was I ready to accept the rejection after stewing for months on telling her now what I should of said then? Hell no. I wasn't ready to let go, and be rejected; at least without some sort of a safety net. I felt much better in fact as I began to leave for home. It was like I needed this one for me. Now I felt as though I can move on. But on to what was the big question...
11PM - I'm on the bus, after dropping Davion at his crib, on the long way home. Being alone on a two-person seat allowed me to release all the bad vibes I've had. By the time I reached home, I was Terrence again, and had finally gotten over Shakeya.
Perhaps she's read my blog, and realized this was the best way to go for me. If that were the case, then I must thank her for letting end this way. Suffice to say, the happy ending would've been much better, but I'll settle for this. Thanks, for a hell of an experience.

Chicago was a great film. But after seeing it, I just don't understand why Richard Gere wasn't nominated for an Oscar. I mean, the first part of the film was a bit dry. I got amused by Queen Latifah's momma role. But business picked up when Gere's character arrived on the scene. The movie was just better when he was on the screen. He was such a great presence; I even looked forward to seeing him at the very end, in a what ever happened to so-and-so kind of way. Taye Diggs' role was very subtle and inviting. I was even to attached to guy who played Roxie Hart's husband. He was very convincing. And oh yeah, Zeta-Jones and Zwellenger weren't bad either. Bottom line, great movie with Gere; and he was R-O-B-B-E-D.

Before you dog someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way when you do dog them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes...

Well, looking at the last post, I kinda turned into an alter ego or something. I felt just so horrible that night, it was unbelievable. I mean, why can't I just be like one of those playas on the music videos, man?
Ahh. Another day, another story, and some tidbits I thought I'd share with you:

On the 11th, I celebrated my third month-versary (now semi-anniversary) of the iPod by finally buying a new case for it: The Krusell Classic Case (the one with the zipper) with a swivel clip. On eBay, someone from Long Island was selling it for a starting bid of $13. I inquired on the which iPod model the case is designed for (my 10GB model being slimmer than the old 5 &10GB models and the new 20GB model); and his response came late. The auction ended with no bids, and he offered the case to me for $14 including shipping! Needless to say, I jumped on the offer. The case fits the old 5 &10GB models; so I had to apply a small piece of bubble tape (for shock absorption) on the backing, and...
Voila! It did the trick! I must admit, this mp3 player looks so official with the leather case.
A review of this case by the iPodlounge is found here.
And deep down, I wish I plunked out the extra $100 for the 20GB model, because the 10GB model is too slim for me...

Also folks, I remember mentioning that I was going to acquire the Sony MDRV700-DJ headphones for 100 bucks some time ago. Well, on the 13th, I finally did just that; and an interesting story has to accompany this fact. I've went around, pricing this monster in electronic stores. J&R and the Apple Store want $130 plus tax, The Wiz (going out of business, by the way; everything 10% off and more...) wants $135 plus tax. Meanwhile, eBay wants $115 plus shipping. I guess the $25 I pay at the stores is the price I pay for getting it now, versus waiting for it. In any event, I decided to go to the store I usually get my headphones from, a small rinky-dinky joint ran by cheap Jews on 6th Avenue & 13th Street. They didn't have it when I first went in, and told me to check back later, promising me a discount when I came back. I came back a couple of days later (the 11th), and to my dismay, they still didn't have it. I came back a couple of more days later (the 13th), and there was another problem. Oh they had it, but that wasn't the problem. They wanted $120. When I ask about the discount, they told me that was the discount. Remembering that was the original price they asked for when I went the first time, I quickly dismissed them, and prepared to fork $115 to eBay.
But something told me to shop around, and try my luck. Dragging my friend Brian (in his thug outfit), we went to several stores near the area, until we landed on another rinky-dink-joint on 14th Street. He quickly tells me of his bad experience in such a place; and I remind him that if anything happens, all I need is a receipt, and Sony handles the rest. We go inside and inquire; the salesman nonchalantly tells me $90 for the headphones. I immediately jump on the offer, but his shipment of new goods doesn't come til later. We waited, and when he saw the headphones, he realized he made one serious mistake; a mistake he tried to rectify. I hounded him on the fact we agreed to $90; in which he countered that after tax, it still almost $100, which was what he was asking me at that time. Brian, in a brilliant performance as the bad consumer, stuck to his $90 guns; I in another stunning good consumer performance, agreed to a flat $100. When we got to the register to pay however, there was a brand new obstacle to overcome! The cashier says he wants $109 for the item (with tax).
Okay. I know what you're thinking, $110. Versus $115 for something that won't arrive for days; versus almost $145 for getting the item now, I could afford to plunk out the extra $9. But not me; Brian & I, after stunning performances, were not about to lose the Oscar to Oscar. We stuck our guns in for as long as God permitted; until the original salesman came and said that he promised me $100 flat. In Russian (yes, I have friends in the Russian Connection...), the cashier asks him if he's crazy; the headphones are $150 in big-time stores! Between the salesman's accepted offer, and the cash that was right in front of him, I walked out of the store with a receipt that says I paid $100 for a $150 pair of headphones. So, what did I end up doing with the extra $10 I saved?? I bought pizza for me and Brian, that's what!
In telling that long story, I am enjoying my new headphones. The bass is booming, the trebles are correct, and the highs are hit. That's all I care about. The fact that the headphones are comfortable, single side corded, gold plugged, well cushioned, and used by Funkmaster Flex & Mademoiselle Sonachansingh are mere icings on the cake for me. My mother looks in utter astonishment; how a guy spends top dollar on headphones is beyond her. But to me, it's more than the headphones, it's an accomplishment; a milestone for consumers everywhere. A milestone that says we will not succumb to some rinky-dinky salesmen!!

On my iPod, now down to 2GB of space:
Loneliness, Sanchez

Come to think of it, something about that name, Sonachansingh. Says something of royalty, pure Trini-royalty. Okay, I am off the deep end.

After ending the last post the way I did, I want to apologize to all for starting off the way I am about to. But after recent events (mainly, the not so happy start of my week, to the worse than before ending), I have no choice but to first release my anger, then explain myself.
With respect to the people who read this blog, I decided to refrain from being as vulgar as I really wanted to be about myself. So instead, I wrote this fresh freelance. Inspired from my most recent dilemma, it was created on a Starbucks receipt; and that receipt holds more value than just a piece of paper. Not only does it express how I feel, but it even reminds me of the $12.94 mistake I made 2 hours ago, on top of the $27.83 mistake I made the day before, on top of the $12 mistake I made prior to then (what's that, $52 of a mistake?? Wow!) And you know what, it really is not the person whom I was with that is responsible, and yet, she is.
In any case, I spit out my venom from the other side. Please bear with me...

War With The Mirror

I gaze at the picture this glass wall produces
I pierce through the eyes looking back at me
And I see the one thing I fought so hard to hide from everybody
I see hurt. I see pain. I see the tears of cellophane.
The salt water building up inside the hazel brown world
This water burns this world surrounded by white.
A fire of anger has engulfed me;
as though I were surrounded by the dark force called my body
yearning to be free; "RELEASE ME!," I screamed;
but not even an echo was heard...

I am capable of going beyond the means;
I am worth more than a "good friend"
Yet I limit myself to this desolate and empty feeling
the feeling of only loving by half.
You can not understand it because you are not me;
nor do I want you to understand because there are better things to feel.
And even though I stand in my zone
If I cannot be loved here, where can I be?
Now I want to give up, now I want to die
though I can't because I'm such a good friend.
But I don't want to be anymore. I just don't...

All of a sudden, I became one of them.
I don't like what the glass wall is showing me.
Because no one else likes what the glass wall is showing me.
And in my distaste, I strike the glass wall;
each falling piece a vision of my shattered dreams.
And for now, until I stand against another wall,
I have won the war with the mirror.

She wasn't there.

And now that the pain is over, it's time to move on to something else; like the Crate and Barrel dinner tonight. As anyone can tell, I did not have time to prepare a decent speech for Shakeya, nor do I wish to use my poem as a guide. I may just have to wing it, and hope and pray that I actually remember to tell her how I feel. This is, of course, providing that she actually shows up. I called some of the guys that worked with me during the holidays, and one said he may not be able to make it. That in turn made me realize that she has no obligation to show. And this could be bad...
Wait a second! I have went through four numbing nights for some midterms; now I'm dealing with one person who I may not even see, and I'm now going nuts?! Okay, I may have returned to some sort of normalcy here. I will not fret. If she show up, I will tell her. And if she doesn't, then it was never meant to pass go and collect $200. And yes, I will tell her if she shows up; I have no choice anymore. Not that I personally am tired of talking about it (which I am), but it came to the point my friends rolled dice to determine who gets to go with me to make sure this happens! And if I fail my friends, I'll never forgive myself.
Okay, it's time to go. I'll try to pass on a Wednesday post, or something. Until then...

I couldn't pass this one up. I've been stuck on Michael Jackson's Carousel from Thriller's bonus tracks. And last night, I decided to create this spoof based on my circumstances. You may have never heard of this track; so just try to follow along and see what happens. From the other side...

Local Train
to the tune of Michael Jackson's Carousel

She's from a world of hip hop and Brandy
every night's party time, little children playing
I'm from a world of disappointments and rejections
Ooh, but I want to make her mine.

I started talking...
she kept on walking...
she disappeared into the crowd...

I lost my heart on the local train
to a Bronx bred girl who left my heart in pieces
I lost my heart on the local train
to a Bronx bred girl who ran away...

Two different people; it was love for an instant
They say that my chance may come today
Now all I can do sit and pray
for the chance I get to say, I...

I lost my heart on the local train
to a Bronx bred girl who left my heart in pieces
I lost my heart on the local train
to a Bronx bred girl who ran away...

Last night, I lay in bed and looked at the stars...
then I wondered where my ceiling was...

Well katz n kittenz, the drama is finally over, for now, at least. I have taken all four midterms, and anxiously await the results. But before I go on with this Monday Morning Post, I wrote an interesting freelance about my recent situation; and it may seem disjointed. Well, I try to remember that people actually do read this stuff, but the more and more I try to change a freelance, the more of its essence I lose. And I rather keep its essence than try to make it sound better. So, from the other side...

What Four Midterms Can Do

With four midterms from Tuesday to Thursday
And the finals all in May; leaves me with no time to play.
For the end seemed so far away
as I read the book I’ve used for ventilation.
Remembering everything said and written is easy;
relating it to words on paper was not.
A long look at the reality of the situation
made me toss my book in total frustration.
Saying I know this and I know that
made me realize that in fact I don’t know jack
And it’s useless to embody myself in sorrow
for the first round as a fighter is tomorrow.
Typically one midterm doesn’t chill you to the core
My dilemma is that I have four...

I may have went for the impossible
As I endure the slew of endless nights
then dawn would break, and my eyes fight to stay open
my tea and soda supply depleted as my mind fights to focus
my clock is watching me, dazing at it, watching me
not as a stalker, about to fall on its prey
but as a companion, with me on my journey.
The hours pass, the minutes run, the seconds walk
A taste of hell was mere moments away
and I don’t know any more now than when I started.
I race to soap my face, intending to catch the early train
to meet with fellow companions who await the same fate
Our knowledge may not be much, but faith is our greatest strength
faith in being swung around a curve next to those as unfortunate as we are.
One thing asserted before we began: We were never ready.
But it’ll never stop me from moving forward; and now the bell rings...

Freedom is where I put an end to all this mess
Where no more must my head be in duress
I am free; for I have released the stress
Like taking mental ecstasy for the strain they’ve put on me
The battle had been fought, and the grade determines the winner.
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter
for the second round has not approached me
and the final bout has yet to be fought
Yet the end doesn’t seem so far away, it looks like I’ll approach that day.
I’ll take it head on, and everything else they’ll put me through
Because that is what four midterms can do.

I just came back from my Advanced Accounting II midterm. One hell of a challenge; especially the first of the four problems. But, I did okay.
Now, that's 2 down, 2 to go...



This is my next immediate project. There aren't any jabronies I know that possess this awesome piece of audio equipment. Though $100 is a bit much for a pair of headphones, these are cheaper to repair, and harder to replace...

Focus! Focus! Focus! Must remember my probability distribution and coefficient of correlations...

My iPod turns 3 months old next week. And I will buy a new case. But I still dunno which one to get!! The new headphones will go great with my iPod. Though I must admit, it's getting quite cumbersome to acknowledge people trying to call me with my iPod on. And now, I'm just using the Apple headphones! I can see it now: I'm jamming with my big-ass Sony DJ Headphones on the train, someone I know (hmm, who could fit that category) is on the same train as me. And because I love my music, I would never know...

Also, I got a chance to check out the Neuros, the next big opponent for the iPod. The orange screen is cool. But...
USB? External clip-on 20GB drive? C'mon, guys. Surely you can be a little more creative than that. iPod wins, hands down...

Focus! Focus! Focus! Must remember my cost method vs. equity method and goodwill...

Someone passed me this song called Trini To The Bone by David Rudder and Carl Jacobs; he either obviously knows my love for soca music, or is obviously tired of me playing the old Shadow songs. In any event, I haven't stopped playing it since. So thanks.

I saw Mikey's aunt for the first time since I left high school. She still looks good, and is in good spirits. It's good to know some things never change...

Just trying to graduate, just trying to graduate. Still alive, just trying to graduate...

So am I dude, so am I. But then again, aren't we all...

Okay. I seriously gotta go. Until then...

Okay, I just thought I'd sneak up this post before I go cramming away again...

I just came back from studying from another exam. And it was so interesting studying with my kliq; we spent 3 hours on 1 problem, and 1 hour on the other 3 problems. That's what Economic Statistics can do to someone, or in my case, some people. We all came with different answers, occasional w-t-f's were used, some banter here, some comic relief there, but all in all, it was awesome. Does that mean I know my stuff? Well, I studied with my kliq, didn't I? I had to get something out of it!

Also, I took my Business organization & management midterm. And I'm real glad the professor posted his old exams on the web. Otherwise, I may have been in deep trouble. Now, that's one down, three to go...

This site is one of the coolest blog sites I've seen. I just gotta find a way to get that background photo, man! Okay, maybe not that specific one, but a similiar one, with a beach or something.

After all, to tell you that I need you
is all I ever wanted.

Oh, yeah! What's happenin' everyone!?! This week's blog is comin' at you a little early, because of the huge month that's ahead. In fact, March seems to be the month of midterms, the month of madness, but most importantly, the month of miracles.
And while I received a miracle of sorts, I am still in dire need of about four more. Because starting tomorrow, I take 1 of 4, possibly 5, midterms. Tuesday, I will take my first midterm for Business Organization and Management. Once I escape that one, I take my first Advanced Accounting II midterm on Wednesday. I twist and turn and squirm through that one, and I have two midterms on Thursday, one for economic statistics, and the second for Advanced Accounting I. And, if my intermediate macroeconomics class gets through Chapter 10 on Tuesday, then I will have my second ECO 301 midterm on Thursday, too!
But enough of that. I must thank God for the miracle that came my way on Saturday. If you recognize that excerpt from my most recent freelances, then you already might know what I'm talking about. But if you don't, I have been invited to a Crate & Barrel dinner next week Monday, almost like a last-get-together type of event. And if I can bank money on it, Shakeya might be there...
Well, it may seem like a long shot, but it's one I gotta take. I think God, and perhaps you guys, realize that I have learned my lesson in being real with what I feel. And if I don't do it this time, Lord knows that I am gonna explode! So, there you have it; it's do or die for me...

I did say I have midterms all this week. So I will cut this one short. Next time, I'll probably post before the dinner, to sort of psyche myself before I boldly go. C-ya!