I promised da kliq I was gonna be good...
I also promised to make good use of my i860...
Later on, I discuss who she is.
Also, my initial reactions to the i860, by me, and my brother.
And whatever else I failed to mention over the weeks...
Meantime, this courtesy of Dennis, and Brainsluce:
The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!"
[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]
Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! Alex Bates is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Jonathan. So everyone, please put your hands together for Alex Bates!
[The crowd whoops and hollers]
Jerry: Okay, now Alex Bates you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other person's name?
You: Maylene.
[The crowd squeals with delight]
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Maylene, is actually here tonight ...
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Alex Bates, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Alisa!
You: What the HELL!!!
[Out of nowhere you pull out a Machetti. Alisa reaches for the Chair. Out of the shadows Tammy appears]
Tammy: Wait everybody, wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Alisa.
Alisa: Because I saw Alex Bates and Tammy making out at Rainbow!
[The crowd goes absolutely insane]
Tammy: That's a lie! I was home watching SmallVille!
Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Alisa?
Alisa: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Jonathan who has recently become engaged to Tammy.
[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Jonathan out here because Alex Bates had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... Maylene that's right!
Jonathan: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Maylene! You know how I feel about Maylene!
Tammy: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Maylene!
Jonathan: Because I knew that I could never have Maylene. But Alex Bates promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Tammy: What about respect for my feelings!
[Alisa walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Jonathan]
Alisa: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
[Again the crowd squeals]
Tammy: Oh my God! Are you sick!?
[Tammy runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]
Tammy: Alex Bates take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...
[The crowd does its bit]
Tammy: Married?
[You nod]
Tammy: Who the hell are you married to? When .... when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Maylene.
Jonathan: [screaming] WHAT!!!
Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So .... did you have a nice wedding night?
Maylene: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 7 times if that's what you mean.
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight .... Alex Bates is married to Maylene who Jonathan has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Jonathan has recently become engaged to Tammy who was recently spotted kissing Alex Bates in Rainbow. Now on top of this, Alisa has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Jonathan.
Maylene: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves .... and each other.
[Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]
