"Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, "Certainly, I can!" Then get busy and find out how to do it."
Theodore Roosevelt

Hey guys! All Bo-Sox fans need not rub it in; I know the Yanks lost last night. It was a tragedy, especially after all we went through. But I do congratulate the Florida Marlins for successfully winning the World Series. It was one of the toughest battles they've ever had.

This week, instead of my occasional weekly rambling, I decided to have a guest writer; well, sort of. Due to midterms coming this Friday, I won't have all my thoughts available to share with you. So in response to that, I'd thought I would pass on an old freelance; that was until I found an article in this month's Essence Magazine that I thought was really awesome. So awesome, I'll share it with you. It was just an amazing read for me. The similarities were so striking...
In any event, all my respects go to the magazine and the author; no disrespect was intended, but the article was just too deep for me not to pass on. So here goes.

Same Heart, Different Body
by Victor LaValle
Essence Magazine, November 2003

"When you're 350 pounds, it's easy for people to dismiss you. Not in physical ways, of course, because you take up two or even three seats on the subway. Still, you're not really there. There's a fat person in your place.
"At least that's how it always felt to me. People showed their contempt in a thousand ways. They didn't think I deserved the courtesy of an 'excuse me' as they pushed past me in an elevator; after all, it was my big butt blocking the way. And forget about food. It didn't matter if I was buying 15 pounds of cabbage to try a new fad diet, the person at the register always sneered as if I'd just pulled down my pants in the store. People rarely try to hide their disgust.
"I wasn't a fat child, but once I hit the teenage years I worked overtime to gain weight. Some people insisted I was troubled or that I had some moral weakness, but I'm telling you that I just really like cookies and milkshakes. And truthfully, I didn't care that the pounds were piling on. Not until I was about 14 and wanted a girlfriend. That's when I finally understood the benefits of playing basketball or baseball, or swimming. I can't say I suddenly hit the gym four days a week. No, like many people, I got depressed about my situation and did absolutely nothing to fix it - until I was 27, and sheer vanity forced me to join a weight-loss center. My first book was about to be published, and I would need an author photo.
"I did date, though. The most interesting thing about having been almost 400 pounds during college and being down to 200 pounds now is the way women loved me at my different sizes.
"It's not what you think. People assume that women treated me badly when I was heavy, and now it's all hugs and giggles, but this isn't true. I found that when I was fattest, women trusted me most. In some ways I was never loved more deeply. That's because women felt safe when I was pretty damn big, but maybe that would just make it harder for me to sneak around on them.
"Those years made me realize how much feeling safe matters in a relationship. In our twenties there's something romantic about the chase. It's mysterious and exciting, but you eventually run out of energy and don't want to move around as much. When I was fat, my relationships were with women who wanted to make a home. Slim or large, pretty or plain, they were willing to be with me.
"I knew I had the right rap for a fat man: 'I want to take care of you. I want to support you and cherish you. I'll be there for you.' They needed comfort, and I was happy to oblige if they'd stay around and love me. Many men shoot this game, but I noticed my slimmer friends couldn't convince women the sentiment was true. My girlfriends always believed it. They knew I was lucky to have them. No one else was beating down my door.
"Sound like a terrible basis for a relationship, but there were wonderful results. One girlfriend had a young son. As she and I lay in bed, she admitted she regretted having him so young. She cried, ashamed of having those feelings. I just held her tight. She hadn't shared this with her mother or close cousin. But once she realized that I wouldn't cheat and run out, this woman let her guard down.
"Now I'm not suggesting that every woman go out and get herself a fat man. You have to date to your own tastes. But now that I'm more attractive, the old dating stresses arise: Is he trying to play me? How much is she going to try to change me? Before, I was willing to change for women; now I'm much more stubborn. With both sides trying to seem unbreakable and self sufficient, we forget that love, unlike money, makes us richer when it's freely spent."