In the aroma of my home since Sunday night, I have been fully able to grasp these last couple of days, and what lies ahead. And all I find myself doing is trying to kick myself in the ass.
Since Sunday night, as soon as I came out the shower come to think of it, it had suddenly dawned on me that I missed the chance to really tell someone how I felt about her. I couldn't sleep ever since. Sure, the iPod would make sure I sleep around 4AM, but I woke up this morning (no less than three hours later) still thinking about it.
I can only recall my last experience with this. It was back in high school, and I was real good friends with someone I liked. At long last, after days of deliberation, I finally told her what was on my mind. Of course I was rejected, but I learned that the rejection at least compensates for never even trying.
Here, I feel the other side of it, which is far worse. Okay, to clue you in, at the Crate and Barrel party on Sunday, I missed the opportunity to tell this woman that I wanted to be with her. And after really realizing what happened, I can't stop thinking about it. So, I decided that it's about high time I post a freelance...
It's a shame that my first freelance of the year sees me in such a state. But at least I have only myself to blame. Where is it, you ask? Hold on, I'm getting to it! Okay, I am a little erratic. But I guess only those who've been that direction will understand...
This freelance is properly titled after the woman I speak of. I decided to use her as the title for three reasons. First, it is highly unlikely that she, or anyone she knows, reads this blog, and on the same note, remember who I am. Second, since I may never see her, it's pretty safe to use her name. Third, I may be blowing this out of proportion. While I imagine telling her I like her ending like a love story, I also imagine it ending in another rejection. She may have a boyfriend already, and merely find my poem flattering. I can only hope this poem releases some kind of stress that will allow me to move on. So, with my best foot forward, from the other side...

Shakeya

All I wanted was to tell you
the things on my mind that I could tell no one else.
And these things were everywhere
emotions, uncontrollable emotions
that said I care for you; that said I need you;
now you're gone away from me
And I now remember that I should have told you.
It was so unfair that I couldn't get the chance
that one shot; that one opportunity
not that I couldn't get it, but that I missed it.
Now all I think about was what could have been
The frustration I feel as I could only dream
dream of what life could have been for you & me.
Now, all I can hope for is that you are happy
that wherever you are, you will find peace.
Perhaps one day, we may meet again.
And if, by George, I get that second chance
then I will tell you how much I care for you.
And if I should see you once more,
then I will end this neverending nightmare.
After all, to tell you that I need you
is all I ever wanted.